What Are the Odds?
Math was always my weakest subject, but you don't have to be a mathematician to understand astronomical odds. Something happened to me 5 days ago that can't be explained. God crossed my path with someone that I never in a million years expected to see. Especially since this person was 8 hours or more from home. ...and I was also 8 hours from home - in the opposite direction.
My little o'hana recently took a road trip to Denver. My husband had business to attend to there. I grew up south of Denver and I have many friends still in the area. Of course I wanted to use this opportunity to see them, even though I knew my heart would break knowing my son was only a few miles away. Deep breath.
Driving down the Interstate - inching closer and closer to where my son now lives, my heart was pounding with so much emotion. As we drove under the overpass that was less than 2 miles from his home - I cried. I more than cried. I called out to God and told him once again that THIS wasn't fair. MY SON was right down that road and I couldn't hug him. I couldn't talk to him. I couldn't tell him to his face how much I loved him. I was powerless.
After our week long stay in Denver, we decided to head home in a different direction. As I mentioned in my first blog, we stopped in Ouray, Colorado on our way home. The one year anniversary of my son leaving my life/our lives had just passed. One year of my life gone - missing not one - but TWO children.
The morning we left Ouray, I had a postcard sitting in my purse. I had written a short message to my son, reminding him once again that I love him. Reminding him that I'm still here. ...but every place we went to did NOT have stamps for sale. Ouray is small town, and the post office opened late and the grocery store didn't have stamps. So, off we went driving through my favorite place in Colorado - Telluride. No stamps there either. We stopped at three stores. Are you freaking kidding me? I just want to mail this postcard to my son!
After leaving Telluride we drove through another small town, and they didn't have stamps. I was beginning to think maybe this post card was not meant to be. ...until we arrived in Dolores, Colorado. It's a tiny place near Cortez. It's the last glimpse of civilization before you get to Four Corners and the Grand Canyon. Anyway, as we drove into the town I noticed a Post Office! Yes! A Post Office! Finally, I can mail my son's postcard!
As we drove into the parking lot, the car in front of me whipped into a spot taking two places. No worries, my husband was going to jump out and send the postcard for me. As he left the car, my daughter and I noticed something Actually, we noticed SOMEBODY. It was my son's step-mother. Yes - it was REALLY her.
My daughter immediately spoke up and said, "What is SHE doing here?" I couldn't answer. I was frozen. Here was the person that has been living with my son for the past year. My heart sank. I felt sick. I couldn't move.
When she returned to her car she looked at me and my little o'hana and laughed. ...and still smiling, she drove away.
Did THAT really just happen? My mind kept repeating the question.
We soon continued on our journey and the conversation began. They live over 8 hours from this tiny town. It's Monday. What are the odds? How did we cross paths at the same exact time? I couldn't get a STAMP anywhere until Dolores, Colorado - where she was? Really? No. Really????
God was up to something.
After driving for hours and with 300 miles left until we reached home - I started to cry. Tears silently falling down my cheek. Songs on the K-Love radio station were speaking to my heart. Wait - no. Scratch that. God was using K-Love to minister to my heart.
Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.
It took me exactly 373 days to FINALLY surrender my pain. 373 days to let go of something I had no control over. 373 days that I didn't fully live. Are you kidding me? 373 days! I was robbed of my life for over a year. I mentally beat myself up for 373 days. ...and just like that God took my pain and breathed LIFE back into me. One single, finally HONEST prayer and it was done. God is good.
So, let me get this straight. I looked in every single town in multiple places for a stamp and couldn't find one until I got to Delores, Colorado - where my son's step-mom was. ...and she lives 8 hours away. Really? This happened for a reason, and while I don't know what God's reason was for her - I do know what His reason was for ME.
This was a wake up call. This was a reminder that I still matter. This was the moment I realized that these people don't care about me, my family or my feelings. I am nothing to them. It sparked a fire inside me though. It's strange to say this, but I feel like I was resurrected. It was like someone turned on a switch and I suddenly I could SEE again. It's hard to describe with words, but witnessing her reaction to us shook my spirit. I'm not going to post her name, but thank you for laughing at us. God used you that day in so many ways!
What did I do when we got back home? I started this blog. I started writing again. I started LIVING again. A treasured friend of mine saw me a few days ago and she asked me if I changed my hair. I giggled and said, "Ummmmm.... No!" She continued, "Well, there is something DIFFERENT about you." "Oh yeah." I said. "You'll never believe the odds!"
