My Special Wish
When I found out I was pregnant with my third child, I was nervous. First of all I was told that I should not have any more children after my son was born. It was a complicated C-section and my Doctor said it would be dangerous for me to have another child. No, of course I didn't listen - and I'm thankful I didn't!
I remember going to countless ultra-sound appointments at my Doctor's office. They were very cautious with me and had labeled my pregnancy "high risk." I was on bed rest by the time I was five months pregnant and began having premature contractions very early on in my pregnancy. It was such an emotional ride and my husband and I grew closer together because of it.
At one particular ultra-sound we were asked if we wanted to know our child's gender. I was certain it was another boy and had told my husband at least a hundred times I was having a boy. After losing my daughter, I had told myself she would be my only girl and I 100% convinced myself that it was true.
...but deep down I had this wish. I had this very special wish, a prayer to God that I would have another girl. I had always dreamed of having another daughter.
The ultra-sound technician said, "I can the see the gender clearly! Would you like to know?" We both wanted to know and I was fully expecting her to tell us it was a boy, but when she said it was a girl my jaw dropped. I was stunned. Literally frozen in time telling myself there is NO WAY I am having another girl. How could this be?
As my husband and I walked back to the car after the appointment, I felt like I was in a dream. You know that feeling where reality actually feels fuzzy and numb? Yeah, that was me! I climbed into the car and started crying. Sobbing and hugging my husband asking him why did God give me another girl? Yes, deep down I wanted another girl. However, I wasn't mentally prepared for it because I had convinced myself I was having a boy!
As the days and months passed I grew to embrace the gift of another girl and I went pink overload! I was also on bed rest and my contractions increased. Things were getting pretty scary and I knew it was about to get worse. My daughter was born almost 4 weeks early and thankfully she was healthy. My C-section spiraled out of control really fast when they couldn't get my uterus to stitch up and stop ripping. Yeah, I was bleeding A LOT and several nurses held various organs in their hands while my Doctor put me back together again like Humpty Dumpty. My husband saw it all and he said he was worried for my life. I nearly died that day, but by the grace of God I am still here.
My daughter just turned 13 a few days ago and looking back I know exactly WHY God gave me a girl. He knew just what I needed in my life and she is indeed my special wish. Since my son has been gone, our mother-daughter bond has grown. She makes my life brighter and inspires me to be better. She pushes me to rise above the past and because of her love I have changed so many bad habits and have re-embraced my talents. She has seen the pain I've endured the past year and a half and she too has learned from it.
Our little o'hana might be broken right now, but we are stronger than we were before. We are in some ways much happier than we were before. Not happier because my son left, but because he left - it taught us to look at life differently and live differently.
My daughter is such a blessing from God and every single day I am so thankful to wake up to her crazy sense of humor, her political rants, her suggestions on how to do my make up better, and above all her desire to follow to Christ. Her brother would NOT recognize who his sister has become since he left. She has grown and matured by leaps and bounds. She is no longer his "kid sister." She's a young lady growing into a beautiful creation in Christ.
I'm proud of you, Ashlyn. You are a HUGE part of my heartbeat and I love spending my days hanging out with you, learning about what you believe and the things that inspire you. I love you to infinity and beyond! You will always be my special wish come true.
Celebrating her 13th birthday!