Never Ever Give Up
I don't even know what to write on this blog anymore. It has become an endless stream of emotion that never really goes anywhere. My 18 year old son is off living his life, going to college while I remain in this emotional black hole. Over the past two years I have learned to adjust, stuff my pain and smile for friends. Nothing will ever be the same.
I wish I had answers for everyone enduring this same journey. Oh, how I would love to be the one that could mend all the pain, grief and loss for every alienated parent. I can't even figure out in my own mind how all of this even came to be and perhaps that's the worst part.
I have traveled across the country, running from my pain and memories. I've attempted to mask my feelings by digging into distractions and new projects. Nothing works. At the end of the day my son's face is still in my mind. He's the first thing I think about when I wake up and the first person I pray for before I go to sleep. There's no escaping the pain you have in this journey. There's NOTHING that can heal the pain of missing them or grieving for their absence from your life. Absolutely nothing.
What more could I possibly say to anyone that is actually reading this? Never ever give up.
"If you close your eyes and listen for the whisper of your heart - if you simply keep trying and never ever give up, no matter how many times you get it wrong, until the beginning and the end blur into something called until we meet again." ~Hank Moody (Californication)
