It Won't End
It doesn't get easier. No amount of time that passes makes this pain any less. If anything, it makes it worse.
On April 21, 2016 my son's biological father robbed me of my child. He took him from me simply based on our son's request not to have contact with me any longer. There were no reasons, and in the state of Colorado you can do that as a parent after the child is 12. Parental Alienation should be a crime.
The anniversary of this date haunts me. It torments me. I lost a big part of my world and I haven't been the same since.
I honestly don't know how I manage to wake up every day and face the reality that all I have left of my son is his teddy bear. I cry daily. The tears never stop and the pain of missing him feels like shards of glass piercing every part of my heart. Every day that passes only adds to the torture my soul feels. Nobody should ever have to experience such pain.
There is no amount of therapy or anti-depressants that could make these feelings go away or even lessen. How do you tell somebody to get over grieving for their child? How do you tell someone to just have hope that things will turn around? God, I am so sick of that crap. My circle of friends has become very small and it's mostly because of comments like that. Unless you've walked this road, trust me - you do NOT get it!
Thankfully I have a supportive husband and beautiful daughter that have been my shining beam of light in this storm. They are like a lighthouse nestled upon the rocky shores where my battered heart dwells. My three best friends, that somehow know what to say to me when I'm completely falling apart are my safe harbor. I'm thankful for my little circle, but I wish it didn't have to be this way. I wish I was whole again.
This blog really has no purpose except to record the pain I'm feeling today. I know there are others out there that read this blog and are walking the same path. My heart goes out to you. Parental Alienation is a growing epidemic and it needs to end. Now.
The grief won't end until I hug my son again. It won't end until I'm riding Pirates of the Caribbean with him at Disneyland and I show him the bench in front of the castle that I watched his High School graduation via online streaming. It won't end until my ex softens his heart and stops blocking my relationship with my son.
It won't end. That's the reality.
